R18+ (AU) | PG-13 (US) | Parental Guidance (UK)

G’day, This is Jessica

This story’s been a long time coming. I want to be absolutely clear, this one’s for adults. It contains discussion of abuse, conversion therapy, and mental health struggles.

If you know you’ve got certain triggers, please be careful reading this. Take breaks if you need to. And if anything in here hits too close to home or stirs up sharp feelings, please reach out to someone or dial the hotline for your country listed at the end.

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My Story

I’ve lived through things no one should ever experience: physical, emotional, sexual, and psychological abuse that lasted well into adulthood, finally ending when I was 23.

Between the ages of 10 and 12, I was forced into what they called “conversion therapy.” I call it what it truly was, conversion torture. It was supposed to “fix” me, to erase who I was. But there was never anything wrong with me to begin with. If you’re trans, you’re trans, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise.

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Failed Systems

The institutions that were meant to protect me failed repeatedly. In Idaho, the Department of Children’s Services came to the house four times. Each visit went the same: a short talk with my stepfather, a quick look around, and then they’d leave, convinced everything was fine.

Each visit left me thinking the same thing: no one’s coming.

My stepfather knew exactly how to manipulate the situation, and because of my autism, it was easy for him to make me look uncertain or unreliable. They never saw the truth.

The failures weren’t limited to Idaho. Back in Oregon, the Department of Human Services Child Protection Division also came up short. Visits were made, checks were done, but the manipulation and deceit by my stepfather meant the truth never reached them either.

I want to make absolutely clear, I’m not pursuing legal action here, and I’m not blaming the staff who came out. I know they were trying to do their job. The problem was that the system was not equipped to see through the ways I was being controlled and silenced.

These repeated failures, in Idaho and Oregon alike, reinforced the same bitter lesson: if no one truly sees you, you have to learn to protect yourself. And I did. Over time, that survival instinct turned into resilience, and eventually into reclaiming my voice.

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Recovery

Recovery wasn’t neat or fast. After escaping that life, I still ran into more abusive people before breaking free completely. By 2016, I was 25 and miles away from it all, but the scars were still there.

At 31, I hit my lowest point and nearly took my own life. I dialled 9‑8‑8 and almost went to hospital because I couldn’t see a way forward. That call changed everything. It got me into proper mental health care and ongoing therapy, and I’ve been in therapy ever since.

I started hormone replacement therapy soon after. It wasn’t just about transition, it was about living. A trans content creator who shared nothing but positivity gave me the push I needed to take that step, and one day, I’ll give her the shout-out she deserves.

It’s been two years now, and I’m doing better, stronger, calmer.

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Finding My Voice

I came out to a couple of friends back in middle school, one walked away, the other stayed for a while. These days, neither are around, and that’s okay. I’ve always been a bit of a loner.

What matters now is that I’m living openly, in my own voice, in my own skin, and on my own terms.

The systems, the people, the institutions, they failed me. But I didn’t fail myself. I survived. I’m still here. And I refuse to let anyone else’s shame or silence define me ever again.

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📞 If You Need Support

If this story has stirred up difficult feelings, please know there’s help out there, and you don’t have to face it alone.

• Australia: Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 (24/7, confidential)
• United States: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline – 988 (free, 24/7, confidential)
• United Kingdom: Samaritans – 116 123 (24/7), or Mind Support Line – 0300 123 3393

Reaching out isn’t weakness, it’s courage. You deserve to be heard, to heal, and to live freely.